THE REAL FOLLY BEHIND DONALD TRUMP’S FOLLICLES By Ilene Proctor While the nation’s mystified masses are trying to figure out how they shall overcomb this president’s policies, the curious case of Donald Trump’s hair has been equally mystifying the masses since the ‘80s, when he first came into the public eye as a larger-than-life businessman. Now that The Donald is The President of the United States, people are less concerned with his is-it-a toupee or not a toupee than whether we're going to war with Iran, Mexico Austria or Australia next week. I figured out why he was si mad at Australia. It’s because he remembered that Hitler was born there. President Trump’s longtime physician, Dr. Harold N. Bornstein, confirmed to the New York Times that the Donald’s curious hairstyle with its shellacked long blond dye hairs streaming one way, the underlying gray running amok the another way does indeed take hair-growth pills to keep his fine, fluffy texture on the up and up. Trump has a standing prescription for Propecia, a well-known drug that treats male-pattern baldness. Side effects of Propecia include: • impotence, • loss of interest in sex, • trouble having an orgasm, • abnormal ejaculation, • swelling in your hands or feet, • swelling or tenderness in your breasts, • dizziness, • weakness, • feeling like you might pass out, • headache, • runny nose, or • skin rash. The sexual side effects of Propecia may continue after you stop taking it Aside from popping the pills, here are some other things that Mr. Trump does: 1) Instructs the high-profile attendees of the National Prayer Breakfast to pray for Arnold Schwarzenegger and his low Apprentice ratings. 2) Believes that Black history icon Frederick Douglass, who passed away in 1895, is still alive or born again, and somehow still making great civil rights advances.”Let’s keep our eyes on him as he’s great and might have enormous potential. 3) Threatens a 20% tariff on all products imported from Mexico – including avocados, tomatoes, tequila, sparkling water, and a bunch of other things nobody wants to pay an additional 20% for. 4) Eats Lay’s potato chips. Like, so many Lay’s potato chips which account for his massive whale like bulk head and body in other words, he’s fat. 5) Bullies the free world, friend and foe Mystery of the king of bad hair days solved

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